This is one of those posts that make my parents cringe.  They're of the old school where you don't reveal too much of yourself online because you never know who sees it and how they might use it against you.   You never know if (God forbid) something happens to my current job what any future employer would think of seeing something like this on the internet.  I would hope most employers would see someone who's open and honest but I know there's a very good chance all they would see are the negatives.  This would be especially true if this was read by someone who is "Christian."  However, I've started this blog sharing what I'm really feeling and being as transparent as you can be with pixels on the screen and I'm not going to stop now.

Yesterday during the sermon at Cross Point, Blake "The Animal" Bergstrom was preaching on Proverbs and the pursuit of what God wants in our lives.  Reaching the final part of his sermon, Blake said that "Satan's greatest work is to get us pursuing things that are just a little bit off" and "you need to truthfully look at yourself."  Just like I usually get from our regular teaching pastor Pete Wilson, Blake hit me in the side of the head with a spiritual toaster oven. 

I often say that I look at myself realistically and my wife will yell at me for being too hard on myself.  I'll get people telling me to suck up whatever's bothering me and just move on.  I'll get the "it's just Satan attacking you" style comments and told to just tell him where to go.  I'm not ruling out any of those things happening but as I sat in the service alone yesterday (the rest of the family was ill) I came to a truthful realization that hit me, hurt me and it leaving me reeling.

I don't completely trust God...or I don't completely trust myself.  It might be a little of both.  I'm not sure which yet...however...that might explain why He's not letting me involved in any ministry.  It's also pretty sad for someone who knows a ton of Scripture, has ZERO doubts about Christ as Savior of the world & has a passion to see others know that truth and has written blogs & done podcasts talking about the majesty of God.  It's not that I don't know His promises, it's not that I don't believe His promises intellectually...I just have a hard time actually resting in the truth that I know to be true.

Yes, it's a weird dichotomy. 

I'm leaning toward the place where I think perhaps I don't trust myself to trust God.  (An even weirder spot to be standing upon.)  All I know is that earlier this morning when I said on Twitter that I'm not usually a joyful person this is the reason why I'm not so joyful. The baggage that I have with me doesn't just disappear despite the best efforts to just "leave it behind" me.  I've tried to just cut them loose and they keep bouncing behind me like Satanic Sesame Street letters singing Hanson's "Mmm Bop." 

That baggage leads me to question if I can trust God.  Why did He let me watch porn that first time knowing all the damage it would cause me and others?  Why didn't He save my first marriage?  Why did He have the situation be that custody of my beloved sons had to go to my ex-wife?  Why did He allow my son to have autism?  Why did He allow my apartment to burn three months after I was asked to leave my marriage?  Why did he let my step-daughter get attacked just weeks before the wedding?  Why did he have our first miscarriage of twins happen where we lost one, found out we were still having one only to take that one three days after we discovered we still had them?  Why did we have two other miscarriages?  Why did He prod us to move to Nashville only to have the church we were going to join cast us aside without a second thought?  Why does He seem to think I need one painful experience after another after another without a true season of healing or blessing? 

The baggage also leads me to question myself and my decisions.  Why did I get involved in porn in the first place?  (An aside: yes, I wasn't a believer then and could be part of it & I had no idea it would be as harmful as it turned out to be...but I still ask that of myself.)  Why didn't I give all of that up when I came to Christ?   Why did I get involved with a ministry so deeply only to have it crash and burn when the leadership proved to be untrustworthy?  Why couldn't I see who they really were before dedicating time and money to them?  Why do all the ministries I believe God wants me to work with seem to crash and burn after a short time?  Why do I keep putting myself out there for all kinds of things only to see them falter, struggle and fade?  What if all these desires in my heart to serve God as a writer, speaker and teacher are nothing more than my own thoughts being projected onto God?  How do I know He's calling me to do any of it?  Are all of the roadblocks that pop up for my writing God telling me that's not where He wants me to be and I'm just too stubborn to see it? 

When all those questions start running into my head, then I begin to question everything that I think and feel.  That pushes me into a place where I'm not really doing anything and feeds a natural introversion that I have to just keep to myself and never go outside.  At that point, I get frustrated because I want to be out serving God with the talents that I have despite no doors open to do it.   That frustration leads to more doubting and the theft of joy.  It's circle, I know how to break it...and I just can't seem to break through to do it.  So that leads to a whole different question...why doesn't God, the "jealous lover", the One who always wants us to run to Him, meet me where I am and help me break it?  Or...am I at the point where I don't trust what the Holy Spirit is telling me that he could be standing beside me and I can't even see it?  Could He be telling me the path He wants me to walk and I'm so wrapped up in the scars and wounds that I can't see it?  If that's the case...why can't the God who is all powerful and rules everything just rip all of that away and say "OK, Kid.  Time to quit floundering.  Take your first steps over here."

This post might shock and disappoint the few of you who follow this blog on a regular basis.  If you've been under the impression I somehow have it all together and have a direct hotline to 877-77-GO-GOD then I apologize.  I've just been sharing what's in my heart and what I've been feeling when I pray or read the Bible or listen to sermons or read blog posts from people much more together than me.  If you don't want to or just can't follow me, then check out folks who have it much more together than I do like Pete Wilson or Justin Davis or Spence Smith or Shaun Groves or Crystal Renaud or Matthew Paul Turner or just about anyone in the blogroll to the right of this posting.  They'll likely have a better basis that I do for their thoughts.  All I have is a PhD in Somehow Staying Alive from the University of Hard Knocks, Boise, Idaho and an unusual knowledge of Scriptures for someone who didn't go to Bible college.

I'm thinking that the lack of joy I feel is directly related to the baggage I need to check on a plane to the Bermuda Triangle.  Believe me...I'm working on it.  Still, in light of the sermon from yesterday I had to take a realistic look and this is where I am.  It's not pretty but I'm going to keep going...and hoping that perhaps God will show up to help me clear away from of the fog.

I requested the chance to review Sex, Lies and Religion because I know Randy Elrod to be a good man and I wanted see the results of the research he'd spoken of many times on Twitter.  After I received my PDF copy for a review, I began to wonder if it was a good idea.  As someone who had been addicted to pornography and struggles with lust, I began to wonder if perhaps I should have e-mailed Randy with a "thank you...but on second thought..." message.  I went into the book wondering if this was going to be a "the church is bad/we're free in Christ to do anything/do whatever you want" book.

It's not...in fact, Randy Elrod does a very good job at explaining the differences between the concept of love, passion and sex as defined by the Scriptures and the way it's been twisted by the world.  He lays out the case for the way many Christians have misunderstood the acts of love within a relationship and blows away many of the man-created myths regarding sexuality.  He also effectively destroys the case any lust addict or porn addict could build for the world they put around themselves.  You cannot read this book and walk away looking at sex and freedom in Christ the same...especially if that view has been shaped by the confines of man-made "religion."

Now, on the down side, this is not an easy book to read at the outset.  This is a book you really have to work at especially when he's referencing the world of art to build his case early in the book.  It's necessary for him to do this to build the basis for the rest of the book...which is a much easier read...but if you don't know going in that you're going to have to work at it there's a good chance you would put it back down.  I can see people getting through the first chapter and just thinking they don't have the time to get to the rest of the book.  It would be a shame if that happened but I could easily see it. 

Overall, if you can accept this isn't a book you'd take to read on the beach (although if you read it you might do other things there) you could likely take a lot away from Sex, Lies and Religion.  Elrod builds a solid case for his positions, backs it with Biblical evidence and gives practical advice on how to experience freedom in this part of your life that too many Christians wall off because of the conventions of religion.  I would give the book four stars out of five.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from cre:ate 2.0 Publishing to read and post a review on my site. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

God has a really funny sense of humor.  I've always believed that and this week did little to change my mind on it.

I am a NASCAR fan.  Big time.  I look forward to being able to watch the cars rubbing and bumping (now that NASCAR is going to allow the boys to actually race.)  I'm excited to see my driver, Martin Truex, Jr., with a race team that I think will give him the equipment he needs to actually win.  (I'm so happy he's no longer with the company that would make Dale, Sr. cry if he could see it today.)

The only downside to my driver moving is now I have to buy all new gear.  I would almost kill for a #56 Napa cap right now to replace the #1 Bass Pro Shops hat which adorned my head for the last few years.  I don't know what I'm going to do walking into church tomorrow for the first time in the last five years on the Sunday after the Shootout without a Truex cap on my head. 

So our church had a big weekend where they had people signing up for small groups.  We were in the mix and eagerly awaited to see when our group would be meeting.  Amy received the e-mail and forwarded it on to me.

When does our group leader want to meet? Sunday afternoons.

In other words...at the same time as 75% of the NASCAR racing season. 

I just laughed and shook my head.  This isn't the first time God's put me in a position to choose fellowship with other believers over something I may have wanted to be doing.  Just like the other times, I'll choose what God placed in front of me...but I plan to set the DVR. :)

"That old man fell down!"

"He had two brain surgeries!"

"There's blood coming from his nose!"

That's the first three things I heard last night when a commotion broke out at the coffee house I went to in an failed attempt to reduce my stress level.  I threw off my headphones and rushed over to the 71-year-old man who was laying face down on the floor with his frantic wife standing above him talking about how he had brain surgeries.  The owner of the place was right with me as we went over and was dialing 911 on the phone. 

No one was helping the man but his wife...elderly herself and pretty much unable to help him up.  She was also more than a little bit worried about her husband.

The place was packed.  Almost every table was full of people under the age of this man.  They didn't move to help.

When I reached the man he was surrounded by the people at the tables next to him who jumped out of the way when he fell.  You could see the blood pooling on the floor beneath his face as he started to get up.  I had a man in front of me so I couldn't get to him.  I asked him to move and man stayed where he was watching the entire scene.  I looked around the restaurant at the various tables and no one was getting up to help.  The group of people playing cards had gone back to their game and it hasn't even been a full minute yet.  Two groups of people that I'm assuming were doing Bible studies (they had Bibles and other books spread out on their table) just sat and watched. 

I had to get napkins to give the man to stop the bleeding.

I had to get bottles of water so he could wash off his face and drink. 

The owner kept talking to the man and the 911 operator.  A few of the other staff brought over items to help.  Everyone else...just sat there.

The man started to stand up and the owner asked me to help him up and make sure he didn't fall again.  I went to move past the man who had been standing in front of me and he literally moved in front of me and said "no."  He blocked me again when I tried to go around his other side.  He just stood there watching while keeping me from getting to the older man who finally stood up.  When he did, the man who blocked me grabbed a chair and slid it behind the elderly man.  He then turned to the young woman next to him and said "I'm just glad I could help" and walked away.

Now, I'm not writing this to brag that I jumped in...I'm writing this because I'm still troubled by the fact people just sat there and one man actually stood in the way of my helping the man stand up apparently so he could tell his daughter/niece that he was able to help.  (The elderly man is OK, by the way.  Nasty cut on the nose but it didn't appear to be broken, praise God.)  After the elderly man had left the owner was talking to me and I asked who the man was that blocked me from helping and she said she didn't know him.  She said he was at the table next to the elderly guy but wasn't with them.  I had thought in the back of my head it might have been a relative who was with them and he was going to help him.  I never expected he was just waiting to slide a chair so he could say he helped out.

Where were the two tables of Christians studying God's word?  Shouldn't they have been the first to jump up and make themselves available for service?  In a situation like that you don't have to take charge but you can make yourself available to get napkins or water or help the man up if requested to do so.  Standing there watching does nothing to help another person in need...and how much more in need can you get than an elderly man laying face down on the floor bleeding from his nose? 

Are we really so afraid of being sued that we just sit there instead of rushing to help? 

Do we not have the love of Christ within us to get up and walk over to say "if you need me to grab anything I will"?

What kind of witness is it for Christ to non-believers in that restaurant to see the people of God just sitting there watching an old man try to get to his feet?

A blogger and writer whose work I follow, Matthew Paul Turner, likes to make fun of Jesus pictures like the one I posted in this thread.  I almost didn't post it knowing he'll likely mock me for doing so but in light of last night that image is just burning in my brain.  Do you think if Jesus walked up on an man who was falling he would catch him and help him?  Yes.  Would he have gotten up from his double soy chai latte and walked over to help that elderly man last night?  I don't doubt that he would.  Aren't we supposed to reflect him?

Sorry if this seems like a rant.  I guess it IS a rant.  I'm honestly still surprised I woke up still frustrated over the lack of action last night by the people with Bibles all over their tables.  If we don't move when the opportunity arises to serve others in incredibly simple ways...how can we really say we follow Christ?

"If you only knew who he really was then you wouldn't be giving him all this praise," I thought to myself yesterday.

I was reading the tweets I'd missed over the last few hours and noticed a tweep was giving praise to someone that I've had personal interaction with over the last year or so.  I would be safe in saying that the person being praised acted in a manner that was not Biblically motivated and contained a worldly focus in dealing with us.  God took the situation and used it to bless our family afterward but it doesn't mean the actions this person had taken were in line with what God calls us to do.  His actions hurt me, my wife and my family.  Just because God brought good from it doesn't change the fact our family was hurt. 

It doesn't change the gut response when you see someone praising that person to say "um....no.  He's a real jerk.  I can't believe you've bought into this guy!" 

It was a moment where I first praised God for the work within me.  I may have been a believer since 1994 but I'm no master of holding my tongue when a hypocrite is being praised.  Even as little as a few years ago I would have responded to that tweep with a message that said "boy, has that person got you snowed" or something similar.  Come across to them with the situation to plant the seeds of doubt in their mind that the person they think is all about God really is more about the image they put off.  The fact that my first thought wasn't to send that message but to check myself for having the thought is proof that God's working on my heart.

My second thought was about the mysterious justice of God.  I can't wait to get to heaven and know exactly why some people like pastors and CEOs and politicians got away with sin after sin after sin and didn't have any earthly payback for it (that we could see.)  Why the pastor who doesn't really love or lies to people gets the mega-church or is recognized as some great spiritual leader.  Why the CEO who's embezzling funds gets a $50 million golden parachute when he retires and workers get nothing when the company goes bankrupt.  Why the smiling politician can stand in front of rally after rally and lie to the people just to get their votes...and get re-elected year after year even though promises don't get kept.  Many of us know all about Galatians 6:7 (ESV): 

Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.

You look at some people and ask "Lord, why haven't they reaped yet?"  It's especially hard when you know that person in question hasn't been sowing in righteousness because of things that happened to you or your family.  The desire for vengeance to come onto those folks is strong.  It's why TV shows like Leverage are hits...people like to see the "rich" and "powerful" get their come-uppance for their sins. 

Unfortunately, we don't get the choice except to forgive...and forgiveness is really harder than just saying "I forgive you."  You have to reach the point where the thought of someone who wronged you getting justice doesn't excite you.  We have to forgive just as God has forgiven us.  See Isaiah 43:25 (ESV):

I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins.

He won't remember them.  You can't take joy in a "come-uppance" for someone if you don't remember the sins they've committed.  THAT is true forgiveness and the standard to which we're all called to live.  I know I have some work to do in that area.

What about you?  Is there someone you think you've forgiven but would laugh quietly to yourself if they were exposed for what they've done?

I was looking at my Google Analytics today.  I'm not really big on total visits but I love the map that with the locations of the visitors.  It's a really small world these days.  

I don't usually look at what pages people visit but today I noticed that one of my four visitors spent quite a bit of time on the "about" page.  I had not looked at that page since I threw something on there when the blog was created and today I seemed to be able to look at it through a different set of eyes.  I had noticed there were a few statements on the page that were quite prideful at the core.  It's nothing that anyone else would look at and think it was horribly self-promotional but when I saw it my spirit said "bragging a little bit, are we?" 

The items on the screen were true...it's not like I had exaggerated anything...but it was something that really didn't need to be there.  The people that come across this page didn't need to know that I had won this award or that award in the past.  It was not the least bit relevant to what I was doing right now with this blog.  However, there they were because it was a page "about" me and I wanted to seem impressive enough that you would want to come back and visit the page again. 

It made me think of the ways our pride can subtly creep up upon us.  It can be as simple as that trophy you keep in your office from the time you were backup right fielder the year your company softball team won the city league title.  It might be a certificate of completion from a class you took on mexican style cooking.  Any little thing that really isn't that relevant to who you are or what you're doing NOW...but you leave it there as a bit of a status symbol.

I rearranged my "about" page to include information for people who might want to know without tooting my own horn.  It was a lot easier...and made me feel a lot better...than I thought it would. 

Are there places in your life where you have some item on display because it makes you look really good?  Is it something that is only there because of pride?

I'm not really sure if God wants me to do this.

Be honest with me...how often in your life have you said that line?  I'm not even thinking about you saying it out loud to someone else (although in most cases you probably have done that) but the times you've said to yourself when it gets difficult that you don't know if God wants you to do it or not?  You face a challenge or a hurdle and suddenly you question the effort that has to go into it.  Sometimes you ask yourself the question and keep silent because you don't want to allow people to see behind the curtain.  After all, if you're a guy, men need to be "men" and you're not supposed to show emotion or concern.  You're supposed to be the warrior who fights anything until he drops dead from spending every ounce of energy.

If you said you've done it, then you and I have at least one thing in common. 

Most people who know me (all five of them) or regular readers of this blog (both of you) know that I love writing and one of my biggest desires is to become a published author.  I'm not really looking for the fame and fortune (although it would be nice to make a living at it) but rather I enjoy telling stories that other people like to read.  Writing things that make them either escape the pressures of an insane world or perhaps give them pause when considering some part of life.  Writing blog entries is fun and can spur good conversation but there's something about holding a printed book in your hands that carries a little more weight to it.  (I know there are electronic readers out there and they are the "wave of the future"...but I still like a hold-it-in-my-hands book.)

The odds of being a published author are slim.  Now, I know there are professors of writing who post on the internet that there are no odds but rather good and crappy work but even if you write something really good there's no guarantee that you're going to get published from the first publisher who reads it.  Or second.  Or third.  Or ninety-fifth.  So going in I know that I'm facing a pretty large mountain with a very narrow and twisting path to the top. I know there's no way I'm going to come out of the gates with a piece of writing so good it's like a giant mystical balloon that lifts me all the way up the mountain to where Michael Hyatt is sitting cross-legged, dressed like a sherpa saying "welcome, O rapidly balding one."

I don't have advanced degrees in writing like some people that I know.  I'm aware I don't always use the proper syntax and sentence structure.  I've used the word "ain't."  I'm well aware that my first work in progress (hereafter called Bob) is definitely not ready for prime time (and not in a Saturday Night Live kind of way either.  Then again, if I compared it to THIS season...)  I know full well there's work that needs to be done and revisions that need to be made to all of it.  The last thing I think is that I'm ready for the big time.

Yet when I come face to face with the mountain and having to take one more step up the narrow, rocky trail I have to marshall the strength to do it.

That's when the line "I'm not really sure God wants me to do this" comes back around.  It's like your "get out of working your hindquarters off" card.  If you say that and you can get someone to agree (even if that's just yourself) then you have your excuse to give up.  It may NOT be what God wants you to do but I promise you that He will make it clear to you in a way other than you just asking yourself after a minor bump in the road.  If God doesn't want you to do something...and you TRULY are seeking His direction...you won't be unclear about it very long.  In a weird sense, having to keep asking if what you're doing is what God wants you to do is a good thing.  It means the door hasn't slammed shut yet.  You may not have walked through it yet but the door's not closed. 

So don't slam it shut.  Do whatever it takes to keep it open.  Prop it with a copy of War and Peace because that'll keep any door open.

One thing I had to do very recently was take stock in what God may be doing in my life.  I had a critique of Bob by a guy in a writer's group to which I attend meetings and annoy the faciliator.  In his comments, he pointed out one of Bob's major flaws and it was something that unchecked could run rampant through Bob's body requiring major cosmetic surgery.  In my head, Bob wasn't Brad Pitt yet...more like Ryan Reynolds (a.k.a. that guy in The Proposal with Sandra Bullock)...yet this flaw made Bob look like Marty Feldman on a good day.  I didn't like Bob at that moment.  I looked at Bob and saw a complete rebuilding project.  My enthusiasm for Bob was fading faster than Donovan McNabb at crunch time. 

I actually said out loud to my wife..."I'm not really sure God wants me to do this."

I didn't want to start over...again.  I loved Bob's story...I still think it's a pretty good story...and I wasn't opposed to working or re-writing.  I just looked up at the mountain in front of me and began to doubt that I could make the climb.  It seemed every step I tried to take forward I would slip back two spots.  This latest critique made me feel like I slid all the way back down the mountain. 

Which I knew wasn't reality.  I still had the story.  I still had the characters.  I just had flaws in the way the story was written and some structure.  Things that COULD be worked on and improved.  It just meant in the words of Gus Cantrell..."sweat, sweat and more sweat."  Despite knowing all of that...I still wondering if God really wanted me to do be doing this.

Written out I know how pathetic it looks.  Trust me, I know.  Yet how many of us do this all the time? 

I had to stop and look at the things God's dropped into my lap since I said "Ok, I'll finish the book."  He's moved me to a community where I've found a writer's group aimed at encouraging each other with published authors who can provide real, practical direction.  He's allowed me to make contact with book publishers, writers and just cool people who work at Thomas Nelson.  He's put me in a church which actually encourages their members to go after the things they feel God is calling them to do...and understand when someone needs some support to get there.  He dropped a netbook into my lap at no out of pocket cost so that I don't have to haul the big, heavy laptop around if I want to go writing.  He had me find City Limits Cafe in Bellevue...an out of the way place with great salads and a staff that is genuinely nice.  How many places could you go to where almost all the staff will come up and ask how your book is going?

If that wasn't enough...he's allowed me contact with people like Randy Elrod and Spence Smith and so many other people who've given me practical advice on how to pursue what I feel within my heart.  I've had ample conversations with pastors like Blake Bergstrom and Justin Davis who help me see the way.  There have been encouraging words and comments both on this blog, via Twitter and in person that I could spend the entire day thanking everyone by name.  (If you have encouraged me and you aren't on this list, I do appreciate you.)  There was even someone out there who bought me a piece of software to help my writing completely anonymously...I'm still stunned by that person's generosity.

And...there's been my wife telling me go to City Limits and write.  Or who keeps telling me I can do it.  Who keeps encouraging me every step of the way.  My parents who keep asking about how things are going. 

Yet through ALL of that...I still said "I'm not really sure God wants me to do this."

So if you're in the midst of chasing a "dream" that you feel God has placed in your heart...know that discouragement is going to come your way.  I recently read a pastor (I think it was Rick Warren) who said that if you're chasing after what God wants you to pursue with all your heart that the enemy will do all that he can do to keep you from obtaining it.  Self-doubt isn't something that God places within you.  If God doesn't want you to do something, He won't just make you doubt it and hope that you eventually will knock it off.

If you're in that discouraged place, if you have something where right now you're saying "I don't know if God wants me to do this"...take a minute and step back.  Look at everything around you and the ways God may have encouraged you along that path.  Don't look at the massive mountain that may be in front of you but the next step on that path.  Look behind you...at all the rest areas, large handholds and even the people who gave you boosts to the next level.  Take a deep breath, thank God for all those things and then turn around and move forward again.  As long as the path's there...keep walking.

I was thinking today of members of our armed forces.  I wasn't thinking of any soldiers in particular in terms of being somewhere around the world although all our men and women in the service remain in my prayers to come home safely.  I was thinking about the new soldiers who are entering basic training who are gung-ho about being a soldier but don't really know what's going to be coming up in the future.

The reason it was crossing my mind is because of a discussion I had with a friend regarding my steps to get into the battle against human trafficking.  I had contacted several organizations about getting involved and had not heard back from any of them about how I can get involved beyond giving them money.  She was telling me that it was hard for a woman to break into helping the victims of this because of the level of protection that has to be given the victims.  She guessed that it would be doubly hard for a man to do it since the majority of the time it's men who are funding or orchestrating the systematic abuse involved in human trafficking.  Any man who wanted to get involved would have to overcome the sins of the men who came before them...and if he has a past such as mine it's going to be even harder because my porn addiction at one point funded some of the monsters. (Yes, I've accepted the fact that it's possible I may never get to help in the battle beyond giving money because of my past porn addiction.)

Then she asked me a question that never crossed my mind...but it made me wonder how often people need to be asked this question.  She asked me if I would do the grunt work for these organizations even if I never was able to do the "front line" kind of rescue work that's in my heart. 

I didn't miss a beat in saying that I'd have no problem doing the grunt work to help an organization that's aimed at fighting human trafficking. For example, these groups don't get enough funding for their efforts and stuffing envelopes for fundraising letters is a minimal way to give time to help these groups.  However, it's not just human trafficking groups...it could be any group for whom you give time or even your church.  You might be asked to come in and help clean the offices or just go on a coffee run when it's a long night in the office preparing for an event.  You might be asked to take out the trash or make a batch of copies.  Things that are not "glory" jobs by any stretch of the imagination but things that are vital for the operation of the group.

In other words...could you be a good grunt?

I think of the soldiers in the army who are new to the service and doing all the jobs that more seasoned soldiers don't want to do.  If you asked them if they were really enjoying what they were doing...they'd likely say no...but they'd say they knew what they were doing mattered for the ultimate goal.  The lowest ranked private in the service is as vital as a five star general in that if they all didn't do their job the mission would fail. 

Yet how many of us aren't willing to do the little things because we want to do the "glory work"? 

If you asked people who head up non-profit operations what kind of people they want to have working for them I would bet that many of them would want people who are open to serve.  As followers of Christ, we are called to serve.  We are called to do the things that no one else wants to do.  We need to humble ourselves and honestly ask ourselves if we are truly wanting to serve because we feel the love for others through service or if we're only serving to gain attention.

Do you serve because you love others or do you have other motives?

Proverbs 31 is famous among Christian circles as being a guide for women in how to live their lives.  The Proverbs 31 Woman. 

Proverbs 31:10-11:

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.

I'm not going to dispute that Proverbs 31 is a good guideline for women but I think it's an incredibly good chapter for men to read.  Women talk all the time about looking for the perfect husband and all the things that she wants to have in that special man.  Men always talk about women but they never really sit down and discuss the things they REALLY need to look for in a wife.  They'll talk about how they look or perhaps they might think they would be a good mother.  A lot of guys look at a woman's apartment to see how clean she keeps it to see how well they can clean up after them.  (Sorry ladies...guys don't think that deep most times.) 

However...a man SHOULD be looking at Proverbs 31 and using that as a guide for a future bride.  Think about it...if you used Proverbs as your guide you would ask yourself about any future wife:

Does she help the needy or is she concerned with herself first?

Does she speak kindly about others or is she always cutting other people down?

Does she work or does she expect everyone else to provide for her?

Sorry guys...how cute she looks in a dress isn't a good basis for a mature, lifetime relationship.  You need to devour Proverbs 31 and take those things to heart.  When you find a woman that matches up with the things in those Scriptures...you find a rare, precious jewel.  And you'll need to treat her that way.

When I lived in Springfield I was involved with a "ministry" that produced internet videos and held "services" and did some small outreach like collecting food for the hungry.  I had initially thought they were people of God who were seeking to truly live a life of faith but the more I became involved with them the more I realized the "leader" of the group was just using his wife's abilities to promote a false doctrine.  He was in absolute power over this "ministry" and refused accountability from anyone else for any "ministry" decision.  This "leader" actually tried to control the things I said and did...and when I refused to allow him to do that I was "banned" from being a part of that ministry.  Yes...it's basically a small cult masquerading as a Christian ministry. 

I have often wrestled with exposing the things that I saw during my time with that ministry because they're still today soliciting money and support from people via the internet.  I've never felt as if I'm supposed to be the one to expose them and a quick search of YouTube is showing many people calling this "ministry" out for the things they've said over the last few years.  I'm glad to see it happening because it might bring them to the point where they're convicted of the things that they're doing.  Having been intimately involved with them in the past, I'm doubtful...but I know God can do anything.

As I was reading today's chapter of Proverbs, they immediately came to mind when I read verses 5-6:

Every word of God proves true; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him. Do not add to his words, lest he rebuke you and you be found a liar.

This ministry is currently under fire for making some proclaimations regarding the Holy Spirit that just aren't in God's word.  (Yes, I'm being vague because I don't want to promote their false teachings.)  The feedback to them from other ministries...some who called for people to stop supporting the ministry in question...was based solely on the distortions and additions to Scripture that were in the video.  It was clearly an example of Proverbs 30:5-6 in our current time. 

I began to think about the times where I was tempted to add something to scripture just because I didn't like what God was telling me to do in living my life.  When I first became a follower of Christ, it was easy to do.  You'd just say "well, Jesus never actually said..." or "the Scripture doesn't specifically say..." as a way to get what you want into the "word of God."  You would become your best junior lawyer trying to punch holes in God's perfect word.  The more I grow in Christ, however, the more I find I just can't do that.  I feel disgusted at the idea of God's word being twisted and perverted with "additional" things to try and justify some sinful part of our nature.  It used to be people used God's word as a billy-club to beat people down.  Now...we have the other side using his Word with their additions to try and avoid accountability for sinful behavior.  The end result is that the power of God's message is muted under a sea of misinformation.

What about you?  Do you like to throw in your own verses or create the chapter of 1 Makeitupikins just to justify your behavior? 

(BTW...this is the last time I plan to mention anything regarding the ministry I referenced in this piece.  I really don't feel it's my place to out them so this will be the final word on that.  However, they're not alone...and you should always examine the teachings of ministries you support to see how well it stacks up to the actual Word of God.)