I'm having trouble writing this blog because my hands are shaking.

God moved today through one of his people and I don't even know who it is.

A few of you know that one of my personal desires is to be a fiction writer.  I want to write fiction from a Christian worldview that is aimed at the Christian who doesn't want to read only salvation stories.  I recently finished the first complete manuscript I've ever written and while I like the basic storyline I look at it now and see a giant pile of crudola.  One of the problems with it is that as the story went along there were twists and turns and angles I didn't fully flesh out before I started writing the story.

There is a method to writing called The Snowflake Method.  It was created by a man named Randy Ingermanson who's a published author and brilliant physicist.  PhD and everything.  The kind of guy you don't want to be next to on Jeopardy if the final round is Famous Moments in Quantum Mechanics.  The Method is a way to map out characters and storylines...creating a skeleton for your story before you put meat on the bones.  I tried to do this on my own with the first story and while I can't say I failed completely I know there was significant improvement that could have been made should I had used the Snowflake Method.

Randy created a software program called "Snowflake Pro" that allows a writer to go through the method.  It lays out the path in front of you and gives you an easy way to get started on your story or flesh out the fact your idea doesn't have much to it.  You can also save your work without mounds of paper to keep in order!  The software was $100.  We didn't have that much available in our budget for it especially considering I hadn't actually worked with the software.  That kind of outlay for us would be a serious sacrifice when we don't honestly know if I have the chops necessary to really "make it" as a writer.  I hate to look at my wife and ask her to add to our financial stress by putting $100 out for something that is essentially a gamble. 

In late November, Randy had a sale on the software around his new book Fiction Writing for Dummies.  (Or, as I called it, "Hey Jason...this is for you.")  I found out about it when there were three days left for me to buy the book and get a 50% discount on the software along with some other goodies.  Work ramped up with 14 hour days and I forgot all about it until the morning after the deal was over.  I was crushed but figured if God wanted me to have the software something else would come up.

Just before Christmas I attended a Christmas gathering of the Middle Tennessee Christian Writers.  (Who, by the way, have a meeting tomorrow if you're interested.  Details on their blog which you can visit by clicking here.)  It was at the home of one of our members.  I probably shouldn't admit this...but I was a little intimidated by the place.  It wasn't a mansion or anything but it was a really nice house.  I don't know why I get intimidated by really nice homes but I do.  So as I was there fighting my natural introversion along with the added sense of intimidation the MTCW member who was hosting us allowed me to see her copy of Snowflake Pro.  In less than five minutes I knew this was something that could be a great boost to me as I try to move forward into novel number two and a compete reworking of novel one.  I called my wife between the Christmas gathering and an MTCW book signing to tell her that we needed to start praying for the money to get the program.

The holidays came and went with the usual stresses and challenges.  My family & I hadn't visited my parents home since 2001 (meaning two of the kids had never been there) so most of our Christmas money went to paying for the trip to Pennsylvania and things for the kids.  My wife is actively working toward starting her own photography business and so I took my part of the Christmas money for "my" present and gave it to her so she could get a nice camera.  (On a side note, if you are a photographer who would be willing to meet with my wife just to give her some tips on where a real beginner can start to make this a career, please e-mail me.  I want to help her but don't know how.) 

We came home, caught our breath and began to look through the budget.  We talked back and forth about the software and even whether or not I should keep going after what could be a pipe dream.  Amy was a trooper through it all...she kept telling me that I should get it.  She was willing to make whatever sacrifices were necessary.  I, wanting to be a good steward and also knowing myself well enough to know I'd kick myself if I bought it and then there was a sale a day later, took a chance and sent an e-mail to Randy.  I didn't ask for the software free nor did I ask for any kind of special treatment.  I was just simply honest and said that I didn't feel I could be a good steward of our funds and tell my wife I'm doing all I can to stretch our dollars if I didn't ask if he was going to be having another sale soon.  Randy was gracious enough to say that he was planning to have such a special soon and so Amy & I resolved to wait. 

I'll admit...it was hard.  I felt like the kid waiting for Christmas.  I was actually feeling excited for this.  I was watching for the sale to be posted so I could download the software and get to work on an interesting idea God popped into my head earlier in the week. 

Today I'm here in the office working when my wife comes in to warm up on the little electric heater I use during the day.  I mentioned to her that Randy hadn't posted his special yet and I was hoping he would do it before the weekend hit. 

Amy walked out of the office and down the hall.

She hadn't reached the end of the hall before this e-mail arrived from Randy Ingermanson:

Hi Jason:

A friend of yours has bought a copy of Snowflake Pro for you.  I'll shortly be processing the order manually so that it correctly registers you as the owner of the software.  That way you'll be in my database so that you'll always be notified of upgrades when they come out.  You'll receive  an email in a few minutes that says you bought it for $0.00.  That's how I process manual orders.

Hope you enjoy Snowflake Pro!

I sat there slack jawed and shaking.  I yelled for Amy to come back into the room to show her and she was just as stunned as I.  We're still stunned and it's been 30 minutes.  I still look like the kid in the photo only with less hair right now.

Whoever you are who did this for me...THANK YOU. 

What has me really reeling is that yesterday I fought all day about posting something I felt God telling me to write.  I didn't want to post it for a variety of reasons...mostly having to do with pride and not wanting some people to think poorly of me because I wasn't a perfect Christian.  I didn't want to make enemies of another writer or Thomas Nelson publishing staff.  God wouldn't let me sleep until I did it.  I didn't really kick and scream as much as just keep asking the cup to pass by on this one.  So I posted it last night and while it's been one of my most heavily read postings ever I've had no hate mail from anyone yet and no one's dropped me on Twitter.

Then this huge blessing is dropped into my lap.

I cannot believe the two things don't have a connection.  I don't believe for a second this blessing from God today isn't tied to my obedience from last night.  Sure, whoever did this for me could have been thinking about it for a long time.  I don't know and may never know.  All I know is last night God asked me to trust Him and write that blog posting.  Today, He blesses me with a piece of software that not only will help me in my quest to become a fiction author but also encourages me that this path is one He wants me to walk. 

I'm so unworthy of God being so good to me.